Going Solo

It's ironic that on the one day that you decide you want to be antisocial for once and eat dinner by yourself in your own room that you get 3 calls from different people inviting you to dinner.

I guess I do have friends.

But for some reason, on the days where I don't have any prearranged plans to eat dinner with anyone, the thought of walking into the dining hall alone, with the possibility of having to eat dinner by myself, scares me like no other. I know that in all probability, I'll end up seeing someone I recognize and eat with them, but still, it's possible that I won't. And the fact that that chance exists, makes me very uneasy. This is one of those unspoken rules regarding what's acceptable and unacceptable in society. It's unacceptable to dine by yourself. When was the last time you saw someone at a restaurant eating by themselves? Sure, you can. And many do. But how do others look at you? When I see someone eating by themselves, I think loner. I wonder where his/her friends are or if he/she has any friends at all. Actually, I've done that quite a few times this summer in California --dine by myself at restaurants. And even though I used the I-don't-have-friends-because-I-just-came-here excuse to justify that, it still made me feel anxious. And I know this is probably just me, but every time a waiter or a waitress came to ask me what I wanted to order, they seemed also to ask, "Why are you here by yourself?" with their eyes.

Of course, this is somewhat dependent on the situation. For example, (in the college dormitory context), I think it's fine to have breakfast and lunch by yourself because everyone has different schedules. But for dinner, it's less acceptable since by that time, everyone would have gotten back from their classes.

What I find more awkward and bothersome is walking in the dining hall, and seeing people you recognize, but don't know well enough to sit with. In this case, if you sit by yourself, you'll totally look like a loser with no friends. But if you sit with them, you'll still look like a loser since the people at the table will probably wonder why you are sitting with them since you don't really know each other. It's a lose-lose situation either way, which is why I try to avoid this scenario at all costs.

Yes, my life would be so much easier if I just didn't care about what others thought. Sure, eating by yourself could mean a lot of things. Maybe you have a prelim and you want to grab a quick bite to eat by yourself. Maybe the people that you normally eat with for some reason, can't eat with you today. Obviously, you know the reason why you're eating alone, but most of the time, it just isn't enough.