Thursday, July 8, 2010

The Institution of Marriage



It disappoints me to learn that one of my friends just recently became engaged and he's not excited about it. I repeat, he's not excited. Not excited about getting married. Every time he mentions it, he seems to be down. In fact, I believe he used the word "stressed" every time I asked him about it (and no I didn't ask him that many times...only twice).

It's normal to be stressed about a big event that you're looking forward to -- that's good stress. But whenever my friend speaks of this, he makes it sound like a chore, almost like he doesn't have a choice.

I've never really thought about how people feel about getting married. What's there to think about? Wouldn't they be excited? Happy? Isn't that obvious? Only recently have I started to realize that that's not the case for MANY people. Only recently did I learn that, yes, people really do get married for reasons other than having found "the One". And frankly, I'm shocked.

Most of these reasons can be largely grouped under one category: societal pressure.
"All of my buddies are getting married, I don't want to be the only one that's not."
"I'm at that age."
"She's pregnant."
"We've been dating for a really long time, what is there to do next? Oh--let's get married!"

Am I surprised to hear these reasons? No. But I am surprised that there are actually people out there justifying their decisions to get married with these reasons. I can only imagine how these marriages will turn out. I guess only time can tell.

On the other hand, I'm starting to think maybe this another one of my idealisms that I've never tapped into and brought back to reality (I've had to do that with many of my other idealistic tendencies). My whole life I was brought up to think that you were supposed to marry for love and happiness. You were supposed to "marry" the person you love and will bring you happiness. I probably sound like a naive 6-year old right now, but it's honestly what I've been brought up to believe. And don't get me wrong, I have heard of these reasons being used--just not by people close to me. People that I interact with everyday.

And I realize that not everyone get married due to societal pressure, but I'm starting to realize that a greater amount of people probably do than I have previously thought. And this, to me, is a little depressing.

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