Over It......?

In light of recent* events, I realized a few rather frustrating things about myself:
1) I tend to get attached to people** quickly
2) I don't tend to get over people quickly
3) the only way I find that I do get over people is to concentrate all of my energy on a new person(s)

:(

In case you haven't realized, 1,2, and 3 can fall into a very, very bad and annoying cycle that's hard to get out of. Wow. The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that this is, indeed, the case for me.

And now, I'm going to abruptly change the topic because I have nothing to say about this anymore. :D

So this fall break, I tried to improve my nonexistent lucid dreaming skills by doing an "experiment". Basically, there are two major methods that one can go about achieving this (lucid dreaming). First there's dream recall--the better you are at remembering your dreams, the more likely you'll be aware of the fact that you're dreaming. And second, there is reality testing, which involves performing a task that would have a different outcome if you're dreaming. The idea is to perform this task over and over again when you're awake so that it becomes a habit. Then when you dream, you'll inevitably perform this task, but in dream world, the outcome would probably be different--and this, the fact that the outcome is different, should lead you to believe that you're dreaming.

I think the second method is rather convoluted and might not always work. (For example, it could happen that the outcome is the same in your dream as in real life, in which case you'd never realize you're dreaming. Also, for something to become a habit, it'll have to be so repetitive and you'll have to constantly remember to do it...which can be a bit of a hassle.)

So I opted to improve my dream recalling skills, which, incidentally, is also nonexistent. And since you dream when you're in REM sleep, I decided to wake myself up then and write down whatever I was dreaming about. Trusting the judgment of a friend who said that you go into REM sleep in around 4.5 hours, I set my alarm for 4:30am and 9:00am, giving myself 2 opportunities to write down my dreams (with 3 nights, I have 6 opportunities in total). With a lamp, pen, and dream diary all within arms reach on my queen sized bed, I was ready.

Four and a half hours later, I woke up to the sound of my alarm (surprisingly) andddddd... was not able to recall a thing. Maybe I wasn't in REM sleep when I got woken up. :-/ So I fell back asleep. Another four and a half hours later, I woke up and stillll.....nothing...

This went on for 2 nights. I don't know why I wasn't able to recall anything... maybe I turned my second alarm off when I was woken up by the first one and just don't remember it. Or maybe I wasn't in REM sleep. Or maybe, I didn't wake up? I don't remember anymore. I think next time, I'll definitely write something down just to prove that I did wake up.

grrr!! THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING!!!

It's been awhile since I've had vivid dreams. Reading from previous entries of my dream diary, my last truly vivid dream was pretty...terrible. I think I was crying even after I woke up...I remember feeling tears stream down to my ears. Yea, no wonder I remembered that one so well..:-\

Anyway...I only have one night left...hopefully tonight will bring me some good dreams that I can remember.

I think in the future, I should put my recorder to use. Much less effort than having to write anything down...

*recent = within last 6 months
**people = guys