I can start by noting how my interactions have been when I am with my partners, past and present (for the majority of the time, these have been extremely positive). Logically, I have no evidence to suggest that they don't care about me or that I'm not important. Next, I need to let go of specific expectations I have to serve as proof that if they don't meet it, that they must not care about me. At any given time, there may be more than one explanation for an event. And having these rigid beliefs/expectations/assumptions in my head that I then use as fact if they are not met is not reasonable. I'm setting myself up for failure, basically. I need to have an open mind and not jump to conclusions.
Further, we are all individuals with multifaceted lives. How would I feel if my partner wanted to hang out every time I wanted to go to f45? How would I feel if my partner always got upset with me when, from time to time, work got extremely busy and I wasn't able to see them that day or had to cancel something that was planned? Heck, I even cancelled a BOOKED vacation to Maui with an ex because I moved my USMLE Step 1 back. And he was understanding of that. How would I feel if my partner got upset with me if my best friend made a last minute trip to come stay with me because she's dealing with a lot of issues, and as a result, I'm not available to hang out with my partner? Do I care any less about my partner in any of these situations? No. I still want to see them just as much as did before. These are just some things in additional aspects of my life that are important to me and that I need to tend to. Previously, I took it for granted that if any of the above scenarios or anything similar occurred, that my partner is automatically expected to be understanding. Maybe it's because I've had good partners who are understanding, who never had any issues, but I'm more aware of this now and next time something like this comes up for my partner, I will be more understanding.
Additionally, I need to develop more of my own interests and hobbies and form deeper friendships, not for when these situations come up, but for my own personal enrichment. When my life is more enriched with friends and activities, I will be more fulfilled and satisfied. It's important to not rely completely on my partners for emotional support. Life is stressful and entrusting that all in one person can be too much for that person. Next time my partner tells me he has plans to hang out with his buddies, I will pick up the phone and call my friends to go do something.
Currently some of my activities in my spare time include working out, hiking, board games, and hanging out with friends. I would like to hang out with friends and plan things more often. One thing that I have in mind is inviting a small group (1-2 people) over and watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelor in Paradise (my guilty pleasure). Another goal I have is to get into yoga and meditation more.
As I meet new people, I need to be ok with the fact that not everyone will like me--some people will, and some people won't--and that's perfectly ok. I don't need to please everyone and make everyone like me because that is an unreasonable goal that will just make me miserable because this is out of my control. People may not like me for reasons that have nothing to do with me. And vice versa. I don't need to work so hard to make people like me, for me to prove my worth. Because I know I am worthy of love, admiration, and respect.
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