Qualities of Mr. Right

EDIT (12/17/2010): Some of my views have changed regarding this. Please take it with a grain of salt.

Hm...for some reason I think I already blogged about this...x_x
Yep. I did. It's here.
I have to say a lot has happened since then and I've learned a lot.

Not that I'm actively searching for, you know, Mr. Right or anything. I just think I've realized, in the last year or so, a lot more of the qualities I'd want in him.

A lot of these aren't just "standard". It's more of how these qualities relate to me. I think that's the main difference between the other list and this list. In the other list, I've just listed qualities, but not how they relate to me.

Here's the comprehensive list (in order of importance):

Prerequisites -- I feel like these qualities are pretty obvious and are revealed to me pretty soon after I meet someone, if not on that day. And if they don't at least possess these, well, I guess they can forget about the rest of the list.

• Taller than me -- I don't know if people will think of me as superficial, but I think this one's pretty standard. I just don't think it looks right to have the guy shorter than the girl. That said, it would help if he's tall enough so that he'll still be taller than me if I wore heels. But this is less important since I tend to wear little-to-no-heel shoes anyway.

• Not fat -- This has never been a problem, because I've never been attracted to anyone who is anyway. I'm sorry if that makes me mean/superficial, but when he's fat, he becomes unattractive and unhealthy. It's very simple, you'll gain weight if you eat more calories than you burn off. Yes, genetics is a factor too, but I always find that with exercise and the right diet, there is a way to not be fat. That said, I don't like it when he's super skinny either. Some meat is good. :)
  

• Older than me -- This one's not as important to me anymore (because I keep on meeting people younger than me that I become attracted to). But I do have to say, maturity does come with age and, in the words of Megan Fox, "boys in their 20s are a waste of time. They have nothing to offer conversationally; they're immature." OK, maybe that's a little too extreme. But she does have a point in that some boys this age can be immature. (More on maturity later)

• Smart/Confident -- This one's pretty simple. If he's boring, or has nothing interesting to offer (and I'm easily interested in a lot of things), then...well, he's not Mr. Right. "Confident" is listed along "Smart" because they tend to go hand in hand--smart people are usually pretty confident, and confident people are smart (though there are a lot of people who are confident but not smart--I call them douchebags :D). Smart/confident also means he's good at something, if not more than one thing. And letting others see that he's good at something makes him interesting.
  

Actual Qualities -- Friendship also contains these qualities. So I think it's safe to say that he has to be my friend before there's any further development.

• Nice -- I put this one under "actual qualities" because everyone's nice when you first meet them. A person's real "niceness" doesn't come out until you get to know them better. I think this one should go without saying--if he genuinely likes/cares about me, he should be nice towards me. I'm not saying he should lie to me if/when there is something about me he doesn't like, that's not the "nice" I'm talking about. I'm just saying, he shouldn't out right diss, or put me down unless I did something that warranted it, and even then, it wouldn't exactly be a constructive thing to do.
  

• I "click" with him -- Call it compatibility or whatever you want, but there are some people that I just have an endless amount of things to talk about and I'm not afraid to be myself around. Though I've questioned the importance of this one (because, after all, there will be a day where you'll run out of things to say, right?), I've come to realize that not having things to talk about/say to each other despite caring for, or even loving one another, can have negative effects on a relationship.

• Positive/In Control -- I don't think negativity or pessimism can carry one very far in life. To fully enjoy it and not be bogged down by bumps in the road is to be positive and stay positive (and nothing teaches one to stay positive better than The Amazing Race :D) and be in control of one's life. It's important that he believes in himself despite uncertainties. A way that positivity/optimism shows through is the encouragement he gives to others. A negative person is more likely to think "he can't" and be disgruntled, he is more likely to give negative remarks, or even put people down.
  

• Spontaneous -- I'm a very impulsive person, I think of things on the fly, and do them. So it'd be really fun/awesome if he's also like that -- up for anything. (Anything but rollercoasters, bungee jumping, or skydiving. :) Sorry, my impulsiveness has its limits...)

• Honest -- This is pretty important. And I haven't run into problems with this in the past so I won't elaborate too much. I do try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but if there ever was a discrepancy, then it would be very hard to gain my trust back.

• Dependable -- By this I mean, if there ever was a time where I really needed someone, he would be there for me. And I know and trust that he will be there. So, let's say I was in a situation where I really needed help, and he happened to be there and was able to help me, I'd greatly appreciate it, but I wouldn't necessarily think that I can rely on him in the future.

Quality Qualities -- This is where I dive into the "relationship realm". I think the following traits are pretty hard to come by. And I wouldn't demand them in anyone less than a lover.

• Mutual Trust -- This has to be both ways and is pretty self-explanatory. I don't think a relationship can survive if the people involved are always suspicious of one another.

• Mutual Respect -- I think mutual respect comes when both people think highly of each other. I have respect for people who don't just sit on their asses and wait for things to happen. They go after it. They stand up for themselves and for what they believe in. They won't give in or give up until they've tried their best. I speak my mind and what I believe in in a relationship, so I don't think it should be any different for him. I also don't think it's a good idea for him to give in to me so as to "preserve" the relationship. Avoiding arguments is not the way to preserve a relationship--it makes me lose respect for him--and the relationship only goes downhill from there.

• Mature -- This one is really hard to qualify, because so many things can show that one possesses this trait. I'll just give a few examples. Maturity is knowing what to do in situations. If he made plans with friends but can't go anymore, he doesn't just not go without telling anyone, he calls and genuinely apologizes (and maybe comes up with a believeable excuse--true or not). I guess one would call that being responsible. Maturity is being bold enough to tell me how he feels about me and not be afraid of what might come of that. Maturity is making me do things that I should do, but not necessarily want to do. Maturity is putting up with my friend even though it might mean spending less time with me. Maturity is being observant and thoughtful and think about me. This is very important. I feel like someone who's immature, or less mature would only think of themselves, but someone who is mature is more likely to think of others.

• Experienced in bed -- This is a different kind of "mature" but not less important. I don't mean promiscuous here. Being experienced doesn't necessarily mean having slept around a lot. But this does mean knowing what to do please women. Granted, every woman is different and yes, the "difference" is up to me to explain, which I'll gladly do, but there are some general things that appeal to all women. There are "buttons" to push, etc. that'll turn a woman on. And this, I feel, can only come by with experience (and not by just reading a book, listening to others, or watching a movie). It would be very unromantic/un-sexy and a turn-off if he's just groping around, not knowing what's where, etc. I'm not opposed to teaching him about specifics, but if that means I have to teach him everything, that's a little too much... On the other end, even if he's very experienced, he should be open to suggestions (because, like I said, every woman's different) and won't be disgruntled if he tries something and it doesn't work.
  

• Reasonable -- By this I mean "can be reasoned with". I think this might be the most important trait. (I didn't put this at the top because he wouldn't get here unless he possesses all the other traits before this. So I guess in that sense, all of these traits are important.) Although in any given situation, things aren't always black and white, there is usually a "better" thing to do. And I'm not saying that my reasoning in is impeccable and that if I try to persuade someone into doing something, they should definitely do it. There are times where I have been wrong and times where I've been right. I'll admit, I'm pretty stubborn at times, but I'm also very reasonable. If I'm convinced by someone that one path is better than another path, then I'll take the better path. But not everyone is like this. Some people are so set in their ways that they dismiss all other reasoning except their own. This can do a lot of damage in a relationship, because it effectively closes the door on communication. It's very important to be able to "put oneself in another's shoes" and see things from different perspectives, because only then will a person be able to understand the reasoning used by another. It can be very frustrating to make people see things your way if they can't imagine themselves in your position (it also could be that you're an ineffective communicator, but for now, let's assume that you are and he still doesn't understand). On the other hand, if he is reasonable, then this is a very constructive thing for a relationship. It means he's open to potentially changing himself, if he realizes, say, a wrongful act. A person who is not reasonable is unjustifiably stubborn and closed to all changes.
  

I think these actually cover a lot of other qualities, like taking care of himself and others, caring for one another (not exactly the same as the one before), being supportive of each other, open to making sacrifices/compromises, etc.

Optional -- These are things you'd see in an ad-easily definable characteristics that's not too hard to find.

• Likes to travel -- This is actually pretty important. I'm all about the whole going-out-there-to-see-the-world-before-you're-old deal. So it would be much more fun if he's also this way.

• Can cook -- :D I love food and enjoy making it. So it would also be a lot of fun to share this experience.

• Cute -- Up to now I haven't said anything about looks. And that's because, on the whole spectrum of traits, it's not too important. But, it doesn't hurt to look good/cute. :)

• Athletic -- I've never really been a huge sports person...I can be very clumsy...x_X. So it would help if he is not so clumsy and can teach me a few things about not being clumsy. Basically, I like to be active, and an athletic person wouldn't have a problem being active.
  

Practical Factors -- I hate how practicality can be an issue, but gone are my idealistic days...experience and reality have set in...(damn it reality!)

I have to say, if he posesses all of the above qualities I've pointed out, then I still think any relationship would last, despite distance, if any.

So how long is long distance anyway? I quantify it not by the actual distance in miles, but by how frequently and how long per frequency we are able to see each other. I'd say a relationship is long distance if I can't see him for at least 3 days in a 7-day week, every week.

A lot of people aren't willing to be in long distance relationships because of the "pain" it'll cause. There's no doubt that there'll be pain/loneliness/sadness when I can't see him for the amount of time I'd like to and vice versa, not to mention the inability to share enjoyable times with each other. But I do think that if he does meet all of the characteristics I mentioned, and therefore is Mr. Right, then I would be very willing to do long distance with him because I know there will be a point in time when we'll be able to be with each other for an extended amount of time. And all the waiting for that time to come will be worth it.

And there you have it, my all-encompassing, exhausive, comprehensive list of qualities I (and I would think a lot of other women) look for in the perfect guy--Mr. Right. (Though I don't think anyone made it this far...this is by far my longest post. So insanely long!!)