The Real Voldemort

What Voldemort looked like before he split his soul...

Apparently, Harry and Voldemort are friends...

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Having just finished what I think is the best story/series ever, I'm going to devote this post to a discussion on Harry Potter. (Ugh, of course, it's only now that I realize that what I should have done was to make a post of my predictions before reading the last book...oh well.)

WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD!

Anyway, here are some of my thoughts before/while reading book 7:

• Even though there is pretty much no evidence for it, I had a strong suspicion that Snape was ultimately good. I felt that, with all the hype surrounding Snape about whether he's good or evil would be pretty disappointing if he were, as he'd always seemed--evil. I mean, everyone already saw what he did, and it'd be pretty boring if there wasn't a twist in there somehow. I think the general lesson learned from learning Snape's true character is that there's always a reason for people being the way they are. And that you should always treat others in the best way possible because you never know what might have happened in their past to make them the way they are today.
  
• I knew that Nagini was one of the Horcruxes. (Though...I don't know for sure, but this might have been revealed in one of the previous books...)
• I correctly predicted that Lupin was probably going to die. :( After Sirius, Lupin is my favorite character, pre-book 7. (After book 7, he's my third favorite, the first two being Sirius and Snape)
  
• I never took "neither can survive while the other one lives" to have 2 meanings:
• 1. One can survive without the other <--the one the characters in the book believed
• 2. Both has to die <--what Dumbledore believed, revealed in the chapter, The Prince's Tale
• When I first found out that Harry had to die in order for Voldemort to die, I was pretty upset. But by the end of that chapter (The Prince's Tale), I was ready for it. Thus, it seemed kind of cheesy at first when I realized that Harry hadn't died. It seemed as though Rowling purposely did this to make it a happy ending. Though, I guess the final battle between Harry and Voldemort made it worth it and satisfying.
  
• I'm still a little confused about why Harry hadn't died after Voldemort cast the Killing Curse on him. According to page 709, Dumbledore said to Harry, "He took your blood and rebuilt his living body with it! Your blood in his veins, Harry, Lily's protection inside both of you! He tethered you to life while he lives!" So, does this mean that as long as Voldemort lives, Harry can't die? For some reason, I think Harry's reply of "I live...while he lives?" confused me more than it should.
• I'm confused about the Horcruxes--I thought there were supposed to be 7 of them...but I counted 8:
1. Riddle's Diary <-- Basilisk Fang (Harry)
2. Marvolo's Ring <-- Gryffindor Sword(?) (Dumbledore)
3. Slytherin Locket <-- Gryffindor Sword (Harry)
4. Hufflepuff Cup <-- Basilisk Fang (Hermione)
5. Ravenclaw Diadem <-- Fiendfyre (Crabbe...technically)
6. Harry <-- Elder Wand--Killing Curse (Voldemort)
7. Nagini <-- Gryffindor Sword (Neville)
8. Voldemort <-- Elder Wand--Killing Curse (Voldemort<--his own curse rebounded after the wand got into Harry's hands)
• I thought Voldemort himself was a Horcrux (because he technically is since a part of his soul is within him, according to book 6, page 497: "A Horcrux is the word used for an object in which a person has concealed part of their soul.").
• According to p503 of book 6, Dumbledore said, "...But firstly, no, Harry, not seven Horcruxes: six. The seventh part of his soul, however maimed, resides inside his regenerated body. ...without that, he has no self at all. The seventh piece of soul will be the last that anybody wishing to kill Voldemort must attack--the piece that lives in his body." So,I guess Voldemort himself doesn't count then.
  
• Hm...and yet, in book 7, p709, Dumbledore said, "You were the seventh Horcrux, Harry, the Horcrux he never meant to make."
• Oh ok, at first I thought there was a contradiction but I guess the last part of that sentence, "the Horcrux he never meant to make", explains it: There's seven Horcruxes. Voldemort is not one of them. The reader only learns about the seventh Horcrux for sure in book 7.
  
• The only uncertainty that remains is the thing that was making noises that Harry saw before his encounter with Dumbledore in the second to last chapter. p706: "He recoiled. He had spotted the thing that was making the noises. It had the form of a small, naked child, curled on the ground, its skin raw and rough, flayed-looking, and it lay shuddering under a seat where it had been left, unwanted, stuffed out of sight, struggling for breath." My only guess is that that's the part of Voldemort's soul that had been inside Harry but since then, escaped. The baby could be Voldemort right after he was born? From book 2 and how Tom Riddle came out of the diary, we know that the memories encased in Horcruxes can come out in real life. This could be another instance of it.
  
• Some cool/exciting parts of book 7:
1. Chapter 12, Magic is Might--When Harry, Ron, and Hermione broke into the Ministry of Magic and Harry managed to snatch the locket from Umbridge and free a bunch of Muggles.
2. Chapter 21, The Tale of the Three Brothers--The story of the Deathly Hallows
3. Chapter 23, Malfoy Manor--Awesome fight/escape scene
4. Chapter 26, Gringotts--When Harry, Ron and Hermione broke into Gringotts, Hermione impersonating Bellatrix
   
5. Chapter 33, The Prince's Tale--The story about Snape's past
6. All the final battle chapters (28-36)
• Final comments:
• It was fortunate for Harry that Narcissa was the one Voldemort called on to check to see if he was really dead; had Voldemort called on Bellatrix, the result would have been drastically different.
  
• Ron and Hermione should have kissed a lot sooner.
• Ron is hilarious.
• Kreacher is more likable.
• I feel so bad for Snape.
  
• I wish magic existed and there is a Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry out there (or something similar to it). *sigh*

With that, I'll end with the Potter Puppet Pals' chant:

Snape, Snape, Severus Snape
Snape, Snape, Severus Snape
Snape, Snape, Severus Snape!

That Time of the Year

I truly dislike the gift giving-receiving aspect of Christmas, or for that matter, any holiday that requires gift giving and/or receiving. (Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas itself.) Every year, I'm faced with the same dilemma: What should I get for people whom I've decided to get gifts for? And how much should I spend?

Last year I remember my Discover Card bill for December came out to be $800 something. And did I get the things I wanted? Not really. Why? Because I didn't really know what I wanted and therefore couldn't exactly tell people. My parents always give me money, which, is good I guess. But I would like them to put some more thought into it from time to time. I mean, I always have.

In fact, not to sound too egotistical or anything, but I think I'm the most thoughtful person I know. It's true, I think about my friends and family, and if I come across something that I know they'll love, I make a mental note of it and when the time comes, give them that. And a lot of the time, these things aren't expensive at all (sometimes even free if I make it myself), but I would have put a lot of thought into it. Of course, this would be the easy case. For example, I already know exactly what I'm going to give one of my friends for graduation next May. Most of the time, however, I'm not lucky enough to come across things that I think people will like and therefore I usually rack my brain for ideas. The other thing is, I sometimes feel pressured to buy things that are expensive for people close to me. For example, I always spend a lot on my mom because I'm afraid that she'll be disappointed if I didn't. She would never tell me that she's disappointed, but I'm sure she would be since I've always gotten her expensive gifts. And I'm not saying she's not worth it or anything but at times, I feel that a simple card with a nice message would suffice. I also feel pressured to get something nicer and more expensive every time I give a particular person something. I.e. "I've already gotten them something last year, I can't not get them anything this year." Or "I can't get them anything less expensive than what I had gotten them last time."

Being on the receiving end isn't too pleasant either. A lot of times, if I'm close enough to someone, I'd want them to guess what I want and then get it for me because I love surprises. But, this method, as I've realized, is too idealistic. One of two situations can happen:

Situation 1: I get what I want.
Chance of happening: 2%

Situation 2: I don't get what I want.
Chance of happening: 98%

Experience tells me that if I don't tell them straight out what I want, there's virtually no way they're going to figure it out for themselves. Lesson learned: things obvious to me might not be obvious to others. I'm pretty much setting myself up for disappointment here. Note to self: Never have ANY EXPECTATION of what I think I'm going to get. <--This in an of itself is an impossibility. How can I not have any expectation when I expect a particular person to know what to get me? The disappointment is worsened if I had put a lot of thought into what I'm getting that particular person (which is usually the case).

The only other way to get what I want is to tell the person, which completely annihilates the element of surprise. And that makes gift giving seem like a chore. It's like, if you tell them, then they are kind of obligated to get that thing for you, which takes all the fun out.

So, either way, I lose.

Of course there are in-between ways like you can tell the person several things you want and have them get one of them. You can also tell the person the general thing that you want. For example, if you wanted a hat, you can just tell the person and let them get it for you so that you know what you're getting, but not exactly what kind. This way, while you are kind of chore-ifying it, you do have some uncertainty as to what you're going to get. Both of these methods haven't worked out too well for me. A lot of times, I'll have a list of things I want, but I don't value everything on the list equally. For example, I'd want one thing more than another. So even though I am giving the person a choice, secretly, there is still only one thing that I want the most. (And not getting it would probably make me disappointed.) I guess the disappointment issue for me is a problem. I just can't help it. I can't help but expect people to get me the thing I want them to get me. I'll tell myself not to expect them to, but I always end up expecting them to!!
The second method (i.e. generalizing the gift) isn't perfect either. Whenever I do this, it's usually because I have my eye on something specific, but in order not to chore-ify it for the person who's getting me the gift, I generalize it so that they have options. And when they don't end up getting me the thing I had my eye on (through no fault of their own), I get disappointed.

Then there is the case where I know what I want, but the thing is too expensive for any one person to get me. In this case, I just tell them that I don't want anything because they most likely wouldn't allot that much budget for my gift anyway. For example, I'd really love to have an iphone. But it's unlikely that I'll get it this year.

I've thought about not getting anyone anything, but have always decided against it because it's not very nice. But maybe this year I will (not get anyone anything). This way, I'll actually be successful at convincing myself not to expect anything!

How cynical of me.

Mystery Scent, etc.

Ok, this has been bugging me for the longest time. Every time I go to Human Bonding, I smell a perfume that someone's wearing (or lotion). It smells SOOOO good! But I have no idea what it is! So...question: Should I smell all the girls in my vicinity to determine who's wearing it and ask them what it is and where they got it?

I'm really dying to know what scent that is. I've tried the more sensible method of smelling-all-the-perfumes-in-Sephora-and-Victoria's-Secret to see if one matches anddddddddddddd...this has not yet proven fruitful because after awhile of smelling perfumes, your olfactory system tires and everything smells the same. This semester is almost over and if I don't do something, I'll never get a chance to know what that scent is! *sigh* In all likelihood, I'm probably not going to find out... I guess I'll just have to hope I come across it eventually (such is the way I discovered VS's Love Spell).

On an unrelated note, I hate it when you think you've lost something, and you go to the place where you think you lost it, only to realize that it was in your pocket the ENTIRE TIME. Yea, that was me today when I thought I had left my ID in CSUG. More importantly, this was right after Stats and I knew there was a large probability that my stats professor (whom I have a crush on) will walk from the 3rd floor of Upson (where CSUG is) to Rhodes (because that's where his office is). And I hoped and hoped that I wouldn't see him somewhere in my quest for my un-lost ID, because that would be awkward. (In fact, it would also be awkward even if I didn't have a crush on him...only, in that case, I wouldn't have cared about the awkwardness.)

Well guess what?
After spending 2 seconds in CSUG and realizing that I had my card in my pant pocket the entire time, I stormed out of CSUG, completely and utterly annoyed at myself ONLY TO SEE MY PROFESSOR WALKING DOWN THE HALL. Ahhh! AWKWARDDDDDDD. I saw him first (before he saw me) so I kind of kept my head down so I didn't have to endure him looking at me the whole time (well..in case he did). When we got closer toward each other, I managed to look up at him (because if I avoided eye contact the entire time, it would have been too obvious that I was trying to avoid him) and say "Hi" to his uncomfortable "See you later", which was uttered at the same exact time.

Ha how funny! NOTTTTTTTTTTTTT!
It was a moment of total mortification...

Going Solo

It's ironic that on the one day that you decide you want to be antisocial for once and eat dinner by yourself in your own room that you get 3 calls from different people inviting you to dinner.

I guess I do have friends.

But for some reason, on the days where I don't have any prearranged plans to eat dinner with anyone, the thought of walking into the dining hall alone, with the possibility of having to eat dinner by myself, scares me like no other. I know that in all probability, I'll end up seeing someone I recognize and eat with them, but still, it's possible that I won't. And the fact that that chance exists, makes me very uneasy. This is one of those unspoken rules regarding what's acceptable and unacceptable in society. It's unacceptable to dine by yourself. When was the last time you saw someone at a restaurant eating by themselves? Sure, you can. And many do. But how do others look at you? When I see someone eating by themselves, I think loner. I wonder where his/her friends are or if he/she has any friends at all. Actually, I've done that quite a few times this summer in California --dine by myself at restaurants. And even though I used the I-don't-have-friends-because-I-just-came-here excuse to justify that, it still made me feel anxious. And I know this is probably just me, but every time a waiter or a waitress came to ask me what I wanted to order, they seemed also to ask, "Why are you here by yourself?" with their eyes.

Of course, this is somewhat dependent on the situation. For example, (in the college dormitory context), I think it's fine to have breakfast and lunch by yourself because everyone has different schedules. But for dinner, it's less acceptable since by that time, everyone would have gotten back from their classes.

What I find more awkward and bothersome is walking in the dining hall, and seeing people you recognize, but don't know well enough to sit with. In this case, if you sit by yourself, you'll totally look like a loser with no friends. But if you sit with them, you'll still look like a loser since the people at the table will probably wonder why you are sitting with them since you don't really know each other. It's a lose-lose situation either way, which is why I try to avoid this scenario at all costs.

Yes, my life would be so much easier if I just didn't care about what others thought. Sure, eating by yourself could mean a lot of things. Maybe you have a prelim and you want to grab a quick bite to eat by yourself. Maybe the people that you normally eat with for some reason, can't eat with you today. Obviously, you know the reason why you're eating alone, but most of the time, it just isn't enough.

To A Beloved Pet

Dear Sharkbait,

You've been a wonderful hamster to me, from the day I got you from Animals & Things, until today, when my mom called and told me that you have, sadly, passed on. I will always remember July 6, 2005, when I stopped by Animals & Things and you caught my eye. You were in a cage with your brothers and sisters. They were sleeping (like all the other hamsters in the other cages), but you were running ferociously on your wheel. Once in awhile, you'd stop by the water bottle to get a drink of water, but you'd always resume right afterwards. You were also the only one in that cage with a solid gray coat of fur, which made you stand out. I asked them to bring your cage to the front. The movement woke your siblings up, but you didn't seem to mind. Instead, you became very curious and stood up to sniff the air around you. It was then that I decided you were the one that I wanted.

Throughout your life, you've warmed the hearts of many. The following examples definitely do not do you justice, but I just want to let people know what a wonderful pet you've been to me:

• Sophomore year, Buffalo St. Apt -- I was sleeping one night, and dreamed that something furry was crawling on my face. It turned out I wasn't dreaming...it was you. You cleverly escaped from your cage (like you've done for at least 3 times) and crawled up my face. It was a little scary, I must say, because you do tend to get kind of fast every time you escape, but I returned you to the safety of your cage. (But from that point on, I had to remove your wheel because you've escaped too many times...sorry.)
• Sophomore year, Buffalo St. Apt -- Do you remember my friend Shushan? She loved playing with you. You made her so happy. She would come to my room, take you to her room, and play with you for at least half an hour each time. I think she was very fascinated by you.
  
• Junior year, Becker -- I had to move you around a lot around this time due to dorm switches, inspections (or...potential ones), and school breaks. Even though you were probably terrified by these moves, your temperament was still very sweet. And you adapted to your new environments very quickly.
  

Having never bitten anyone, I can honestly say you're the nicest hamster I've ever had. You were there with me through the good and the bad and I'm sorry I wasn't there with you on your last day, but you'll always be with me in my heart.

Love,
H

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In Memory of Sharkbait (04.01.05 - 11.11.07)

You Know What's Annoying?

When someone un-friends you and you don't know who it is.

My Contribution

While I'm on a posting binge, I thought I'd share with y'all* that I've made a contribution (not financially) to Wikipedia. :D It's a small contribution, but a contribution nonetheless. And...what's amazing is that it still hasn't been taken down! Yay!

I've added a little blurb on Wikipedia's entry on Reggie Fils-Aime (president and chief operating officer of Nintendo) on how he guest lectured at Cornell on Monday. Basically, I created the whole "Public Appearances" section under "Personal Life". And...little did I know, someone from my marketing class actually saw it! Apparently, it was revealed in lecture today that AEM 240 has been "immortalized on the web".

I feel so famous.

Ok...maybe not so famous...but a little...a tiny bit famous...almost non-existent famous :D

Actually...no one knows that I was the person who wrote that (well...except a few priviledged individuals)...soooooooooooooo I guess I'm not famous.

Which is fine. :)

*Having spent a week in the south (5 days in Tennessee, 2 days in North Carolina, non-consecutively), and having heard so many southern accents, it's starting to get to me a little...

No More Spoilers Please

I swear, if I see another on-the-set-of pictures from the Sex and the City movie, I'm going to pull someone's hair out! I don't need to see the whole entire movie without actually seeing the entire movie! Yea, the amount of pictures I've seen pales in comparison to the span of the actual movie, but it still lets on (in little tidbits) about what's happening in the movie. And, let's face it, a lot of us watch it for the fashion and what do these pictures show us? Their clothes! Their outfits! Their shoes! Great! There goes the element of surprise (fashion-wise). Ok, maybe I am fretting about something that I shouldn't place too much importance on, but it always makes me happy to see Carrie put on those funky electric blue leggings, or something completely out of the ordinary--and still make it work!

Productivity Inhibition Disorder (PID)

I have a condition, it's called Productivity Inhibition Disorder, or PID. It's an anxiety disorder, the onset of which is dependent on the amount of work I have. The more work, the more severe the symptoms. The "inhibition" part comes from the anxiety, which prevents, or inhibits, me from doing work.

Symptoms:

• Main:
• Inability to be productive; manifests itself in the following manners:
• browsing aimlessly on the internet
• online shopping spree
• compulsively listening to music
• talking to others as a way of delaying productivity
• Other (happens on occasion):
• heart palpitations
• nausea
• shortness of breath
• headache
• loss of appetite

Diagnosis:
The patient will have to be evaluated and monitored by someone with whom he/she is around most of the time. The evaluator will have to observe the patients' habits, making note when any of the above described symptoms appear. This is done over a 2-week period. If the main symptom occurred during this period with a frequency of 6 or more times, the patient is said to have PID.

Treatment:
No known treatments. (Suggestions are welcome)
Usually, when a work-related catastrophic event happens as a result of PID (e.g. failing an exam), the patient will take the necessary means to ensure PID doesn't affect him/her. But this is only temporary, as the severity of the event goes down, the symptoms generally return.

Prognosis:
PID tends to go away on its own. However, recurrence is likely, as described above. Because there are no documented cases in history before today, this prognosis may not be accurate.

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On a different note:
I've updated my blog template today! Here are the changes:

• Post Title Color (Before: Orange, Now: Blue), Link colors (Before: blue, Now: red-orange)
  
• Blog Archives (now instead of "Previous Posts", you can click on the drop down arrow by a month to see all the posts within that month)
• Google AdSense! With this, I'll be making money (albeit in minimal amounts) whenever someone clicks on the ads that I've allowed Google to place in my blog
• Polls! I will post a new poll every 2 weeks, and when I make a new poll, I will post the results of the previous poll. The poll will be located underneath my profile, before the blog archives. All voting will be anonymous.
  

I'll be There for You Because You're There for Me Too...

I've been wondering about the following question for a long time:

Can guys and girls stay just friends and nothing else?

And today, I've finally come to this conclusion:
NO. (Guys and girls can become friends, but can't stay friends.)

Before I go into my reasoning (which only applies to heterosexuals) behind this, it's very important to define just what makes a friend. (This is obvious but...my definition applies to both people in the friendship.)
To me, a friend is someone:

• you have fun hanging out with
• you're not afraid to be yourself around
• who is similar to you on a lot of levels
  
• who doesn't judge you
• who cares about you (i.e. is there for you when you need him/her to be)
• who has no romantic feelings towards you
  
• who has no intention of dating you

The second-to-last point kind of leads to the last point. But they are very important in that they distinguish friends from lovers (or potential lovers). Of course, there are other distinctions as well, but most of the distinctions are caused by these two points.

Given this, why can't girls and guys be just friends and nothing else?
Because there's no need for them to be.

All of the above qualities of a friend can be satisfied by someone of the same sex. We all have guy friends (if we're guys) and girl friends (if we're girls) with whom we have a ton of fun together, support one another, and to whom we're very similar.

And then there's the mixed gender friends group (i.e. girls' guy friends and guys' girl friends). Why, then, does this group exist? From an evolutionary perspective, it can be argued that mixed-gender friendships exist as a basis for potential mates. That is, when a girl becomes friends with a guy and vice versa, there's always a potential that they could become more than friends (whereas, the potential isn't there for same-sex friends).

So...this then begs the question: Do guys and girls act on this potential?
My answer? Yes. Eventually.
That's why they can't stay just friends.

By "act on", I don't mean blatant declaration of their undying romantic love for one another. Acting on the potential, in this case, refers to gradual developments in the friendship that ultimately, and inevitably leads to romantic feelings for one another.

Do they have to act on it?
No.
But again, if they don't act on it (i.e. if there's no development or growth in the friendship--everything is staying put), they most likely won't stay friends either. Because, as explained earlier, there's no point in mixed-gendered friendships because all the qualities of friendship can be satisfied by same-gendered friendships. (This is something people don't like to admit. Sure, you'll still be friends in the short term, but gradually, this friendship tends to die out when both people realize their interests don't coincide.) The mere existence of mixed-gender friendships means that there's intent on both sides (conscious or not) to become more than friends.

Now, something could happen along the way in this development where one person realizes that their opposite-sex friend is not their mate. When this happens, the development halts, and a romantic relationship doesn't result. What happens next? There are two possibilities:
1) they stay "friends"
2) they don't stay friends

I put "friends" in quotation marks because in this situation, the only way for them to still remain "friends" is if A is still attracted to B romantically and hopes that by remaining friends with B, B will change his/her mind about A eventually. Is this a true friendship? No. As I've defined above, a friend is someone who doesn't have ANY romantic feelings towards you and vice versa. B in this case, might think that A is a great friend, satisfying one end of the equation. But the same thing cannot be said for A, whose intentions precludes them from being true friends with B.

This actually is the case with a lot of mixed-gender friendships. In the beginning, both parties are in the dark as to each other's intentions, which tricks both to think that they're friends, and friends only. At this stage, a lot of the developments are unconscious, that is, there are probably a lot of good feelings on both sides, but both parties are unaware of where this is going or if it is going anywhere at all. Then, eventually (assuming this growth continues*), at least one side will have to acknowledge their feelings by telling them to the other side, which prompts a response from the other side as to their feelings for the former side. (I call this "laying one's cards on the table".) After this revealing of intentions, the friendship will either become a romantic relationship, or it'll slowly fizzle out until the two people are no more than mere acquaintances.

Here is the model I developed to go along with my reasoning:
(Note: The "same" and "different" under "Card Laying" refers to whether both parties have the same feelings for one another, or different feelings; X = end of friendship)
And now, for some interesting asides:

• Despite what I've just argued, I would love for someone to convince me otherwise and show me how it is possible to become and remain friends with someone of the opposite sex because this realization (and the evidence for it) is rather upsetting.
• Sometimes it's hard to gauge whether or not you truly have as many similarities as you think you do your friends/lovers. I find that when you like someone, or you want that person to like you, you mold your interests in a way so that it seems like you have a lot in common with that person. You find ways to expand on things you both like, but this doesn't necessarily mean you have a lot of similarities. You might have a common interest, which you choose to emphasize, thus making it look like a huge similarity. But in fact, it's just ONE common interest out of everything that you do. Conversely, I also find that when you stop liking someone, your "common interests" dramatically decreases.
  

*Because, if it doesn't continue, there won't be a point for them to remain friends.

Over It......?

In light of recent* events, I realized a few rather frustrating things about myself:
1) I tend to get attached to people** quickly
2) I don't tend to get over people quickly
3) the only way I find that I do get over people is to concentrate all of my energy on a new person(s)

:(

In case you haven't realized, 1,2, and 3 can fall into a very, very bad and annoying cycle that's hard to get out of. Wow. The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that this is, indeed, the case for me.

And now, I'm going to abruptly change the topic because I have nothing to say about this anymore. :D

So this fall break, I tried to improve my nonexistent lucid dreaming skills by doing an "experiment". Basically, there are two major methods that one can go about achieving this (lucid dreaming). First there's dream recall--the better you are at remembering your dreams, the more likely you'll be aware of the fact that you're dreaming. And second, there is reality testing, which involves performing a task that would have a different outcome if you're dreaming. The idea is to perform this task over and over again when you're awake so that it becomes a habit. Then when you dream, you'll inevitably perform this task, but in dream world, the outcome would probably be different--and this, the fact that the outcome is different, should lead you to believe that you're dreaming.

I think the second method is rather convoluted and might not always work. (For example, it could happen that the outcome is the same in your dream as in real life, in which case you'd never realize you're dreaming. Also, for something to become a habit, it'll have to be so repetitive and you'll have to constantly remember to do it...which can be a bit of a hassle.)

So I opted to improve my dream recalling skills, which, incidentally, is also nonexistent. And since you dream when you're in REM sleep, I decided to wake myself up then and write down whatever I was dreaming about. Trusting the judgment of a friend who said that you go into REM sleep in around 4.5 hours, I set my alarm for 4:30am and 9:00am, giving myself 2 opportunities to write down my dreams (with 3 nights, I have 6 opportunities in total). With a lamp, pen, and dream diary all within arms reach on my queen sized bed, I was ready.

Four and a half hours later, I woke up to the sound of my alarm (surprisingly) andddddd... was not able to recall a thing. Maybe I wasn't in REM sleep when I got woken up. :-/ So I fell back asleep. Another four and a half hours later, I woke up and stillll.....nothing...

This went on for 2 nights. I don't know why I wasn't able to recall anything... maybe I turned my second alarm off when I was woken up by the first one and just don't remember it. Or maybe I wasn't in REM sleep. Or maybe, I didn't wake up? I don't remember anymore. I think next time, I'll definitely write something down just to prove that I did wake up.

grrr!! THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING!!!

It's been awhile since I've had vivid dreams. Reading from previous entries of my dream diary, my last truly vivid dream was pretty...terrible. I think I was crying even after I woke up...I remember feeling tears stream down to my ears. Yea, no wonder I remembered that one so well..:-\

Anyway...I only have one night left...hopefully tonight will bring me some good dreams that I can remember.

I think in the future, I should put my recorder to use. Much less effort than having to write anything down...

*recent = within last 6 months
**people = guys

A Simple Cipher

So, before I give out the actual cipher (which is a simple Caesar shift with a keyword), I think it'd be useful if I gave a tutorial on how a Caesar shift cipher is made. This way, I bet people would probably at least give it a try first before going "wtf?!". :D

The Caesar Cipher is a simple encryption method that scrambles a message by shifting the alphabet in a certain way.

For example, if you want to scramble "the phantom awaits" using the Caesar cipher, you could:
1) write out the alphabet, then the shifted alphabet* below it:
a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z
F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z A B C D E

2) scramble the message according to the shifted alphabet:
"the phantom awaits" --> "YMJ UMFSYTR FBFNYX"

3) to add another degree of difficulty, you can group the words into 5-letter groups**. This way, it's harder to guess a word based on its length. (i.e. in the above example, if I left the message like that, someone could easily guess that "YMJ" = "the"). So the result is:
YMJUM FSYTR FBFNY X

To decipher a Caesar Cipher, one could use frequency analysis. First you note the most frequently occurring letter in the scrambled message, and compare that to the most frequently occurring letter in regular English text (which is "e"). And based on that, you'd be able to figure out what the rest of the scrambled alphabet looks like (if the shift is a simple shift).

The Caesar shift with a keyword***, say, "bigcat" would be something like:
a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z
B I G C A T D E F H J K L M N O P Q R S U V W X Y Z


Now here's one for you to try:

PAOBQ RBNHR OJYBQ NHNOP BQQBQ RBPQU XNTTB PR

(Hint: the keyword is the name of a TV show that's two words)




*you can shift the alphabet how ever you want
**When deciphering, it's best to write out the scrambled message in a line, with no spaces, so that, after scrambling, the message looks like this: "thephantomawaits" instead of "theph antom await s", which can be harder to figure out.
***Note that keywords can't contain duplicate letters.

Annoyances of the Day Part II

Here's Part I (but that was awhile ago).

• I find the fact that my big full-sized mirror behind my door every time I open it extremely annoying! Why can't the mirror be on the other side so that when I open my door, I can still see my mirror?! Whoever designed this must be a douchebag.
• The weather today is...beyond nice..it's pretty much AMAZING. That said, why do I see people walking around with North Face jackets and knit sweaters?! Even jeans and sweat shirts should be disallowed on a day as nice as today! Enjoy the nice weather before it gets cold people! You'll have PLENTY of time to wear your cold-weather clothes, trust me.
• I don't understand why people feel the urge to stand up to get off a bus BEFORE it stops. It's not like it'll save you any time--you won't be able to get off the bus unless it has stopped and the bus driver opens the doors anyway. Standing up does absolutely nothing, except you might fall from the jerk that stops the bus and as a result, bump into others. I always hate having to stand up to let the person in the seat next to me get up BEFORE the bus stops...JUST HOLD YOUR HORSES!!! Don't worry, I won't purposely block you so you can't get off the bus. I'm going to get up as soon as the bus stops!

ah...now I feel much better. :D

Mr. Fabulous

Tall.

Manly.

Confident.
Possessive (to a certain extent).
Romantic.


Spontaneous.

Caring.

Supportive.


Isn't afraid to make a fool of himself.
Cute.

"Smart" and "Trustworthy" are definitely other qualities that are up there on the list, but I couldn't really find pictures to illustrate them.

Out of all of these, I have to say that confidence and manliness are what draws me to guys the most, initially at least (of course they have to be taller than me too, but that's a given). It's just something about the way they present themselves that appeals to me. Although, there is a threshold for the confidence factor. Too much of it is NOT a good thing and a total turn off. In fact, a lot of times, the guys that I'm drawn to turn out to be jerks. Let's see...

Yep.

Definitely true.

So I think there are two types of guys that I, based on past experience, tend to go for. (The qualities listed above actually combines the two types.) The first kind is the kind that I mentioned above--confident, smooth talkers who know what they want. They're generally also smart and fun to be around. But they tend to make me paranoid and not trust them. In addition, they really don't give a s*** about me. They're selfish, and are only in it because they know they can get what they want (unless it's someone like me, who's stubborn, and don't give them what they want, and they end up leaving me). Although, even if I do give them what they want, they'll still leave me after they get it. So either way, I'm screwed. Conclusion: If they were my boyfriend, I'd have a rocky, but exciting-at-times relationship. And that's not the kind of relationship I want (I want the "exciting" part, but not the "rocky" part).

So...that brings me to the second type. This group is generally made of guys who are smart, fun, caring, and supportive. They tend to be people whom I'm very comfortable around. I know they'll be there for me when I need them to be. And I tend to have a lot of fun with this group as well. But, the attraction factor isn't as big as the attraction I have for the first type. These guys, I guess, are more "safe". I think if I were to be in a relationship one, it'd be a much smoother ride, which, in the long run, would be good for me. But I crave excitement, and I'm not sure if I can get that from guys in this group.

It's a tradeoff I guess.
Or maybe, I will find someone who possesses qualities of both types.
Maybe not.

Snotty Business

Picture this:
You're out with 2 friends, both of whom are of the opposite sex that you are and whom you don't know THAT well, and at one point, you notice that snot is hanging out of one of the friend's nose. (He of course, is totally unaware of it.) Also (here's the complication), you can't get tissues/napkins/etc. easily at the place that you are at. What do you do?
a) Tell him
b) Pretend nothing's wrong even though you are completely and utterly disgusted by the site
c) Silently pray that he'll notice it himself
d) Silently pray that your other friend will tell him

For me, the answer would probably be b). Why?
Ok, don't get me wrong. The LAST thing that I want is to make my friend embarrassed. And wait! Before you jump in with the but-don't-you-think-having-snot-hanging-out-of-your-nose-is-embarrassing-? argument, consider the following. Having snot hang out of your nose is embarrasing (to you) ONLY if you know about it. Sure, others might think it's gross and feel bad for you but as long as YOU are unaware, what's the big deal? True, when you find out eventually that you had snot hanging out of your nose for god knows how long, you might even be more embarrassed (and curse your friend--me--to death). But under the circumstances I've mentioned, where there's no easy way to get something to wipe it off, I really think this is the better solution. Because, if I told you in this case, you would have to LIVE with the embarrassment. And nothing is worse than LIVING WITH EMBARRASSMENT.

An additional factor is that these are friends whom I don't know THAT well. Translation: I'm not comfortable telling them things that might embarrass them or have them hate me forever because I've embarrassed them.

Now if the circumstances were a little different--i.e. there are tissues around or I'm closer friends to them--I would probably tell them.

Spelling "Rabbit" Backwards

This is something I always ask people as a test to show how drunk they are. I also tell them to ask me the same thing to prove that I'm not drunk. I don't think it works too well most of the time because 1) "rabbit" is too easy of a word to spell and 2) because of (1), even the most inebriated person has a good chance of getting it correct. Nevertheless, I think this is something that one of my friends started in my freshmen year and it's since become a habit of mine to ask people this.

Speaking of which, I got ridiculously and needlessly drunk last night, which quite frankly, could have been avoided if I exercised some good judgment. In fact, I believe this was the most intoxicated I've been. It started with me and a couple of dormmates wanting to play Kings, a drinking game that n of us has played, but thought would be fun to. It was a rather impulsive suggestion on my part actually, as I've always heard people talking about how fun this game is. So there we all were, at 1 in the morning, armed with my laptop opened up to the wikipedia page on Kings, a deck of mini playing cards on the table, ready to play.

Basically, you put all the cards face down on the table and players take turns drawing cards, one at a time. There is an action associated with each card and always results in someone drinking. Here are all the actions:
2 = drawer takes two sips
3 = drawer takes three sips
4 = whores, i.e. all the girls drink
5 = jive, where the person who drew the card makes up a gesture and points to someone, and that person has to repeat the gesture that the first person made, make up another gesture, and point to someone else...it goes on until someone messes up, and that person drinks.
6 = dicks, i.e. all the guys drink
7 = heaven, where everyone has to put their hands up, whoever does this last, drinks
8 = mate, where the drawer picks someone to drink with him/her
9 = rhyme, where the drawer says a word and everyone after him/her has to say words that rhyme with the word that the drawer says, whoever messes up, drinks
10 = categories, where the drawer comes up with a category and everyone else have to think of things in that category
J = rules (my favorite), the drawer comes up with a rule that will remain in effect for the rest of the game. This can be anything. Last night, I came up with the rule of every time I drink, everyone else has to drink with me. :D
Q = questions, according to wikipedia, everyone is supposed to ask questions, one at a time, and whoever messes up drinks. We didn't really understand this and didn't really see how it can be messed up. So we just ignored this card whenever someone drew it.
K = King's cup, whenever this card is drawn, the player may pour a decent amount of whatever he/she is drinking into the "king cup" located in the center of the table. When the last (4th) king is chosen, the chooser has to chug the king cup.

Sounds like a lot of things to memorize, but after awhile, we pretty much got all the rules down. After finishing the deck of cards I had and a big cup of gin and lemonade (with a lot of gin in it), I was pretty tipsy*. Actually, a lot of what contributed to my inebriation has to do with one of the rules that a dormmate came up with: Every time someone says "ok", that person has to drink. This might seem like an easy one to follow. But I, for some reason, say "ok" a lot, and unconsciously most of the time.

However, at that point, the alcohol hasn't kicked in fully. So we decided to play again. Bad idea. EXTREMELY bad idea. After finishing about half the cards (and a lot more alcohol), I felt like I was pretty much about to pass out. Actually, more like the opposite since my heart was literally beating out of my chest. This was followed by a sense of intense nausea that probably lasted 2 hours. During this time, I could not move at all, since any movement would have made the nausea worse which would have made me throw up. So I sat on the floor, at points made my head on the floor too, which made all the blood drain to my head, which, actually didn't feel that bad. At one point I think I clutched a garbage can, thinking I need to throw up. In fact, I was sure that all I needed was to throw up. But I couldn't every time I thought of the intense unpleasantness of it. The last time I had thrown up was probably in sophomore year of high school, when I had the flu. It was one of the most unpleasant things I did. And I never wanted to do it again.

After sitting on the floor for what must have been a long time, I started to feel cold. In fact, I became so cold that I started shivering. I think it was because I was getting extremely tired at that point. Normally, I'd be sleeping at this point, so I guess my body must have grown accustomed to that and started to lower my body temperature. I decided that the best thing to do then was to take a scorching hot shower. Even the mere idea of it made me feel slightly better. But I still couldn't move because the nausea was still there. Thankfully, my two dormmates stayed with me this whole time to make sure I haven't died or choked on my own vomit.

Eventually, I mustered all of my strength and managed to stand up, albeit a little wobbly. I then managed (somehow) to walk back into my room, close my door, take off my clothes, put my towel around myself, open the door, and walk into the bathroom to take a shower. I must say, nothing beats a nice hot shower after extreme nausea and coldness induced by intoxication.

Finally, after getting dressed, I turned off the light, climbed into bed without bumping into anything**, and called it a night.

Note to self: NEVER PLAY MORE THAN ONE ROUND OF KINGS WITH ONLY 3 PEOPLE AND ALWAYS TRY TO GET A JACK TO COUNTERACT A RULE THAT MAKES YOU, IN PARTICULAR, DRINK A LOT.

*There were only 3 people playing, myself included. So, needless to say, we all downed a s***load of alcohol by the end of the first round.

**This is amazing because normally, after I turn off my light (which is by the door), I'd probably bump into 1 million things, bruising myself before I make it to bed. But this time, not only was I inebriated but I was also extremely tired.

Do You Know What It Feels Like?

Nope.

No one does.

Except me.

And one other person.

Another Year, Another ___________

Here I am, in CSUG (aka CS Lab) reading about rigor mortis and cadaveric spasm while listening to I Don't Know by Erika, on the first day of classes. Why, you ask?

Because that's the way I rollllllllllll, biaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatch!



So despite not updating for, oh about 3 weeks and in all probability, losing all readership, I'm posting. Yea. That's right. I'm posting. I'm posting because I can!!! Muhahahahah!

I was going to do a re-cap of my summer in Cali...but I think I let it sit for too long and now I'm not really sure about what I wanted to write about...

hm...let's start with some highlights:

• I did a 10K run!!! yay ya! It's called the Wharf to Wharf race, 6.2 miles of beach scenery from Santa Cruz beach to Capitola beach...pretty fricken awesome!
• I went to a fancy dinner with a co-worker where the bill came out to be $1000.
• My manager looks like Jack Bauer.
• My co-workers have the CTU ringtone.
• There is a Starbucks inside one of the buildings in my company. (Woohoo to daily coffee runs with Mike, whom I know is probably never going to read this)

(WTF...ok wow it's pouring outside!!!! I hate east coast weather!!!!!!!!!!)

• It never rained once when I was in Cali.
• Some guy asked for my number when I was at the water park.
• You know you're in a gay club when there are guys who dance better than you.
• Vung Tau is the best Vietnamese restaurant ever.
• Fantasia bubble tea. nuff said.
• Mmmmm... Ramen (not the add-hot-water kind, but the actual Japanese noodles), Calamari, and Crepes! (when not eaten together)
• I've never had so many Rainier cherries in my life...DElicious!!
• There's a huge mall that's 1 mile away from where I lived.
• I had my first raw oyster.
• I went to Yosemite!
• I won in a game of musical chairs during a San Jose Giants game! (watch the video here).
• My intern presentation was awesome, imho, and also in everyone else's opinion. Worked my ass off for a week...but it was well worth it.
• Taco Truck-->most random place ever. Think Hot Truck, except it's parked in the middle of no where and takes ages to get to and only sells tacos and burritos.
• GPS would have been so convenient if I had it...
• I got sponsored to attend an annual SWE (Society of Women Engineers) conference!
• I GOT A FULL TIME OFFERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! *victory dance* 8-)

[Back to the present]
Today, something happened that pretty much killed my day. So I have a guy friend whose friend comes to me and says, "don't go near my friend because he's a player and you'll get hurt."

Um. Ok. First of all, I barely know you.
Second, what business do you have telling me all this? Why are you telling me this?
Third, you don't know me. And if you don't know me, how the f*** would you know that I'll get hurt?
Fourth, if this happened to me (i.e. my friend went behind my back and said things), I would feel betrayed, which doesn't make me think highly of you. So if you were trying to get closer to me by saying these things...I'm sorry, but it kind of backfired.

In conclusion...Thanks for the info, but you pretty much annoyed the hell out of me, in addition, I'm still going to do whatever the hell I want.

Forever Young

I feel like..when I return to school as a senior, I'll feel so old. I mean, not old old, but relatively old. Because, if you think about it, when you were a freshmen, the majority of the people in school is still older than you. And then, when you were a sophomore, that majority decreases. And so on. Until you're a senior--then, the MAJORITY of the people in school will be YOUNGER than you. And this goes back to the double standard thing. For guys, it's fine, and sometimes even appreciated, because their dating pool increases. It's normal for guys to go out with younger girls. But when it happens the other way around, it's not always acceptable. Actually, probably a lot of girls don't care about that anymore in this day and age. But it's still a factor with me. I don't like to date people who are younger than me. If our age differ by months, then I might be able to make an exception. My point is, when girls become seniors, their dating pool drastically decreases to the older guys in their year whereas for guys, it's the other way around.

Why is being relatively young so important? Because you get treated differently. No matter what environment you're in, if you're among the younger people in that environment, then people tend to treat you with more...leeway. People are more lenient, have less expectations, and in general, are nicer to the younger people. This can be seen in school--freshmen, true, are given a lot of crap by everyone else, but I think that they're also better treated by their older counterparts. In the family, the youngest one always gets spoiled--getting whatever he/she wants. And lastly, in the workplace, where I've been this whole summer, I feel like I've been treated with a lot of leniency, not that I did a lot of things wrong. I just mean that, whenever I'm given a task, and I'm not sure what to do, I don't have to have an explanation for it. People know and expect me not to know how to do a lot of things because I'm young and haven't had a lot of experience. I'm sure if I were 5 years older, they would be like, "Why hasn't she had experience? Why can't she do this well?"

Younger ones of a group are seen as cuter and more innocent. Which is good because if you're a person who learns quickly, you'll surpass everyone else's expectations (or a lack thereof) and wow them.

In conclusion, it's awesome to be young. And, as we are slowly finishing one part of our lives (school), we're starting out another part--fresh, and young.

Something Stupid...

is a song by Robbie Williams, and it's cutest song ever...click here to listen.

Lyrics:
I know I stand in line
Until you think you have the time
To spend an evening with me
And if we go someplace to dance
I know that there's a chance
You won't be leaving with me

Then afterwards we drop into a quiet little place
And have a drink or two
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you

I can see it in your eyes
That you despise the same old lines
You heard the night before
And though it's just a line to you
For me it's true
And never seemed so right before

I practice every day to find some clever
lines to say
To make the meaning come through
But then I think I'll wait until the evening
gets late
And I'm alone with you

The time is right
Your perfume fills my head
The stars get red
And oh the night's so blue
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you
I love you...

Only on a show as awesome as Coupling would you hear a song like this.

The cast of Coupling.

And only on a show as awesome as Coupling would you hear the following terms:
-sock gap
-giggle loop
-nudity buffer
-NAT (nose avoidance tilting)
-assmare
-nudity switch
-VAA (visual access action)
-de-clench

Stacy's Mom

Holy crap! If you google "stacy's mom has got it going on", my blog is the 4th result!! How amazing is that!?!?!? Wow...I feel so public...

This means, if people knew that my blog, that H's blog, is named "Stacy's Mom Has Got It Going On", they can totally read what I've wrote for the past...4 months! Only...I don't think that many people knows that my blog is called that, except for the ones who read it. And if they already read it, there's no need for them to google it, which means, the people who don't read my blog but would like to, probably won't get to. Now I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing... I suppose it's always good that my readership is increasing.

On the flip side though, I feel like I have to watch what I say more and more because more and more people are reading my blog. It started out with just a bunch of my close friends knowing about it. Then, after I put it in my AIM profile, everyone on my buddylist who read my profile know about it. After that, I put it under "website" on Facebook, so now all of my facebook friends potentially know about it. After that, I told all the interns and some co-workers about it in an introductory questionnaire. What's more? Whenever I comment on someone else's blog, whoever reads that blog can potentially come across to my blog... The potential readership is probably even bigger than what I've already included... It all gets very complicated.

Here's the thing...I feel like the more people I tell about my blog, the more constrained my posts are. Well, I just feel more constrained in terms of what I can and can't say. For example, I can't talk about people at work because some of my co-workers know about my blog. Do they read it? I don't know. Probably not. But there's still a chance that they could. Had I just kept my audience to my school friends, I could write about them, and there would be a very very small chance that they'd come across it (the only way is to type in "stacy's mom has got it going on" into google and click on the 4th link). When I say "write/talk about them", I don't necessarily mean I'm going to go behind their backs and say bad things about them, I just mean I can't say things as freely in general--good, bad,..etc....

BUT...the contradiction is this: I'm always trying to expand my readership.

So I think in the end, I just end up focusing on myself--what's going on in my life...etc. Hopefully that doesn't make my posts less interesting...

hm...you know, somewhere in my head I'm thinking: screw this, this is my blog and I'm going to write whatever I want!

Recurring Act

Fuck. I have this huge red pimple (pea sized, cannot possibly be missed) on my forehead. And guess what? IT'S BEEN THERE FOR 3 WEEKS!! Not 1, NOT 2, BUT 3!! THREE!!! It simply refuses to go away. I've practically tried everything--putting benzoyl peroxide on it, squeezing it, picking at it, wishing it gone...to no avail!! At times it'll shrink to a smaller size, but after a few hours, it always comes back big, red, and bulging. Ugh!!! Please please go awayyyyyyyy!!

I've already had to live through a whole week of staff meetings with it (where it met the CFO, met my boss, met my boss's boss, and many other important executives). Grr!! Now I'll have to go to a birthday dinner with it...

I think it has to do with my complexion. I have combination skin, which means the T-zone (forehead, nose) tend to get very oily while my cheeks tend to stay normal (not too dry nor oily). This is the worst kind of skin to have (the other two kinds are oily, and dry). Why? Because I can't use very harsh acne treating face washes since that'll make my cheeks very dry and start to peel. And if I use face washes that are too gentle, the acne will still be there....GRRR!

Moments Like These

Ever since starting my internship, I've had more than my fair share of...shall we say, dear-God-please-kill-me-now moments. Honestly, I don't even know where to begin...

OK, we'll start with the "meetings" (aka teleconferences). As you know, the way these so-called meetings work, is at the scheduled time, you dial into something called Meeting Place (it's a regular phone number). And then, to attend a meeting, you press 1 on your phone. And then you enter the Meeting ID, a 7 digit number that only people who are going to attend the meeting will know (everyone has their own Meeting ID, so whoever schedules the meeting usually just use their Meeting ID. So it's not a number that no one except the meeting attenders know, but no one would dial someone else's Meeting ID if there's no meeting scheduled anyway--everyone's already got enough on their plates.) So after that (yes it's kind of tedious), you "at the tone, say your name or location then press #". Finally after that, you're officially in the meeting.

So usually, during the meeting, when someone's talking, everyone else listens (well obviously). If there's a lot of background noise around you, or if someone wants to talk to you face to face, it's generally wise to press "#5" or a button if you're using a headset and put yourself on mute so that no one else on the line can hear you. And then after you're done, you want to unmute yourself in case someone on the line asks you something (so you'd be able to answer). As you can probably guess, the muting and unmuting can get a littleeeeeee crazy, or confusing.

That said, once during a meeting, a project manager was supposed to speak, but he wasn't on the line, so we moved on to someone else. Then later, the manager assigned someone else to speak for the project manager since he still hasn't dialed in. As this person (the substitute) was talking, I see the project manager walk in. And wanting to notify him that everyone's talking about his project, I blurted out, loudly, "Tony! They're talking about your project!"

Then, I looked over to my phone...andddddddddd...the mute button hasn't been pressed...

...

CRAP! Everyone just heard what I said. Dear God, please kill me now.
I could not get over this for the entire day. It might not seem like a big deal, but to me, at the time, it was. I was so incredibly embarrassed.

Besides this, here are a couple of things to keep in mind next time you're in a conference call:

1. Do not answer someone's question while you're on mute
2. Do not dial in in your house, so that everyone can hear your dog barking or children yelling in the background
3. Do not drive and honk while attending these meetings
   
4. Do not, PLEASE do not go to the bathroom while you're on the line and are not on mute... (thankfully, I wasn't there when this happened. I was told you can hear everything....)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Moving on...I think I'm the biggest idiot when it comes to business etiquette. So, when I met my hiring manager's boss (yes, he's pretty high up, three more levels, and you're at the CEO) for the first time, I failed to stand up. Yes, you heard me, I FAILED TO STAND UP TO SHAKE HIS HAND WHEN I MET HIM, MY BOSS'S BOSS FOR THE FIRST TIME. I SHOOK HIS HAND WHILE SITTING DOWN.

Dear God, please kill me now.

I think I was just so taken aback by the fact that he would come especially to introduce himself to me and talk to me (to me, an intern), that I just forgot to.

Subsequently, I think I've stood up every single time I met someone...even other interns. But no matter how much standing up I do now, it will probably not wipe the lasting impression in my boss's boss's head that "jee, that intern H really has no manners".

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lastly, I really think I have a memory problem. Today, when my group (12 people, including my boss, and my boss's boss) all went out to dinner, something incredibly ridiculous happened. So me being the happy giddy girly girl that I was, asked people (around 2 or 3 at a time) if they mind if I take their picture. Of course, being the polite folks that they are, no one objected. So I was going around the table, taking everyone's pictures.

And of course, when I get to my boss's boss, this had to happen. So his (my boss's boss) name is Pete. And the person to the right of him is Tony. And the person to the right of Tony is Mike. So I wanted to get all of three of them in the picture. So I called Tony first. (This got Tony and the attention of everyone around him). So basically, after I had the attention of EVERYONE...for the life of me, I COULD NOT remember what my boss's boss's name was...I BLANKED OUT. I just stared at Tony and my boss's boss...and...it LITERALLY took me at least 30 seconds to finally say "Pete!", (Dear God please kill me now!!!) after which a co-worker commented "you forgot his name? you forgot HIS name?" after which everyone bursted out laughing. And then, to make it worse, I forgot Mike's name as well...but managed to recover a little faster this time.

Crap! Why do things like these always happen to me?! I swear, this was not the first time this exact type of thing (forgetting the name of someone who I should know) happened to me...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
OK, having said all that, I do have to say I really love my job and especially the people that I work with. I've really been learning so much and having so much fun. I think my company has a great culture where there's a lot of visibility. Everyone's doing something that'll contribute to make it a better company, at least in my group--BI (Business Intelligence). And I think that's a very big motivator--knowing that you can make a difference in a big aspect of your company.

We're in the middle of our week-long staff (i.e. everyone, even those from India and Colorado) meeting (everyday from 8-5)and I've just been absorbing so much information and really liking what I'm hearing--like how we plan to improve ourselves, our team, etc.

Today, the CFO came to see us and spent an hour talking to us and answering our questions. Now it's not everyday that you can get the CFO to come and talk to a group of 12 people for an hour ANSWERING our questions. I even asked him a couple of questions. It was amazing. What a rare opportunity.

There's also a running gag on the team to sing happy birthday to one of the members every time we take him out to dinner. Someone would notify the restaurant who's "birthday" it is. And then later they would bring out candles and we'd all sing him happy birthday even though it (obviously) is not his birthday. It's hilarious! He would be taken by surprise every single time and everyone would crack up and laugh about it for like... 10 minutes. This has gone on for 5 years already...It's just great...and really doesn't get any more awesome than this!

The Art of BullS***ting

You know how when you were in middle school and high school in your English classes, there were always those people who NEVER read the books but who ALWAYS knew what they were talking about when the teacher called on them? Well....I wasn't and still am not one of those people. I just don't understand how they do it. I mean, yes, they're basically talking about nothing, but they make you think that they're actually talking about something. And you're convinced that indeed, they are saying something useful. How? How do they do it?

Basically, whenever one of these people open their mouths and start talking, you pretty much get drawn in so much that you forget that, wait, you knew that too. But for some reason, if you had just try to say what they said, it would sound like utter gibberish and the teacher would most definitely be like, "H, what are you talking about? Have you even read this book?" Gah!

For me, I always have to read the book like...10 times, think about what it is I want to say, actually say it in my head, and then, if I get called on, produce something that's boundaryline coherent if I'm lucky. I think it has to do with the fact that I, for some goddamned reason, always start thinking about something else midsentence. I'd be like, "So the reason why Holden hates Sally is because Sally's --[thought comes in]--Oh, nevermind." Well, I can't think of a concrete example, but you get the point. I'd start saying something, and then, right when I'm about to make my point, I think about something else that's related to the topic that makes me doubt the point I'm about to make, then I hesistate and end up not making any sense. It always happens!

Another thing that I do whenever I have something to say, is build up people's anticipation DESPITE the fact that I actually want to downplay it. It's like, I try my best not to build up their anticipation, but doing that actually helps the anticipation. Ok, so here's what happens. I always prepare my audience by saying that what I'm about to say isn't that important, blah blah blah. But I end up spending so much time explaining why it's not important, that the people get impatient and want to hear about the actual thing more and more. This might not make any sense to you and...I'm sorry, but I can't think of an example to illustrate what I'm talking about.

Back to people who BS, I don't know if these BSers actually go behind everyone and read up and just tell everyone they don't so as to make everyone believe that they're BSing everything they say (which produces the opposite effect on people--i.e. people are actually impressed by what they say) or they really do have a talent for pulling things out of their ass (which, heck, is even more impressive)!

Under My Umbrella Ella Ella Eh Eh Eh ...

So despite the fact that I'll probably be screwed for my 5am meeting (aka teleconference), I'm still going to write this post. Why? Because I want to, because I feel like it. (Yes, I'm very impulsive, in case you haven't noticed)

I've recently developed a liking for hip hop songs, well, maybe a little more than liking...more like...I LOOVE hip hop songs. I've always been someone who can't live without music...music makes me happy and giddy. But hip hop, now that's a whole different story. I don't know if it's what happened to me at the end of last semester, but ever since May, I've been obsessed with hip hop. I think it's the beat. And also, now that I have a subwoofer, the bass sounds in songs are much more amplified, making the beats stand out much more. Another influence is So You Think You Can Dance. If you haven't watched it, you are missing out majorly. I'm so addicted to that show. I think I watched most episodes from last season at least 3 times. The dancing on there is just amazing, especially the hip hop ones. I think it also has to do with the fact that it makes me think of parties, which are incredibly fun (well, some).

So every time I put a hip hop song on, it just makes me want to get up and start dancing. :) I burnt 2 CDs of songs that are mostly hip hop and I listen to them every single day on my way to work and on the way back (bascially, any time I'm in my car) and I just LOVE IT! I love blasting my music in my car (which btw, has an excellent stereo system).

My Playlist:
1. Glamorous - Fergie
2. 1, 2 Step - Ciara (I know this song isn't new, but I never caught onto it until now)
3. Don't Matter - Akon
4. Beautiful Girls - Sean Kingston
5. Sexy Love - Ne-Yo
6. Fergalicious - Fergie
7. Give it to Me - Timbaland
8. SexyBack - Justin Timberlake
9. She's Like the Wind - Lumidee
10. Summer Love - Justin Timberlake
11. What Goes Around Comes Around - Justin Timberlake (hot movie-style video with Scarlett Johansson)
12. Umbrella - Rihanna (the title comes from this song)
13. The Way I Are - Timbaland
14. Whine Up - Kat DeLuna Feat. Elephant Man
15. Smack That - Akon
16. Because of You - Ne-Yo
17. All Good Things (Come to an End) - Nelly Furtado
18. Say it Right - Nelly Furtado
19. Promiscuous - Nelly Furtado
20. So Sick - Ne-Yo
21. Let Me Love You - Mario

I also like a bunch of songs by 50 Cent, Chingy, Nelly, and Snoop Dog that I'm not particularly proud of (well actually some of the songs on the playlist too). If you know me, you probably know I have strong views on the double standard. You know, the whole topic on how it's acceptable for guys to be players, but if girls do the same, then they're sluts. It's not just that, there's more to it than that, but I don't want to get into that right now. (If you're curious, then ask me next time I see you.) That said, you might say I'm being a little contradictory since the majority of songs by the artists I just mentioned are very derogatory to women. But I justify it by saying that 1) I like the songs for their beats and the melody, NOT the lyrics 2) these songs have been played at parties a lot, and it's kind of like, I'm conditioned to like them--you can't really help it, living in today's society (which brings me back to the whole unfairness...).

OK, I actually intended on writing about something else...but it turned out to be this. *shrugs* Funny how things turn out... I guess I'll save my original topic for next time.

Alright, there you have it folks, your daily (well almost daily) dose of H.

Good Ol' Target & Snail Cars

I'm going to talk about two topics today. And I don't like to talk about more than one topic at a time because I feel like whenever I talk about more than one topic, people will be less likely to leave comments...because I feel like I've diverted their attention or something. It's like, Oh I have something to say about this, let me leave her a comment, oh wait, she's talking about something else now, nevermind. Grr! That's so annoying! Don't do that! If you want to leave a comment, leave it! :)

Alas, I don't have a choice since I think it'd be too short of a post to just talk about one of the things I want to talk about today.

Recently, I spent $67 on clothes at Target. That's right, clothes! At Target! C-L-O-T-H-E-S! Believe me, I had the same thought as you--I never thought I'd end up buying any CLOTHES from Target, let alone almost $70 of clothes. I've always thought that the clothes at Target don't fit well. Never did it even occur to me to try on clothes when I'm at Target usually. But since I haven't been to the mall for awhile (yes it was hard trying to prevent myself from going and thereby probably splurging an obscene amount of unnecessary money), I decided to grab a bunch of clothes and try them on for the heck of it since I was already at Target. I totally did not expect any to fit. But to my surprise, I was actually able to find some excellent quality, well fitting, inexpensive clothes today. :) Altogether, I got 6 pieces of clothing, which, if you think about it, is very, very worth it considering their quality is no less good than, say, the quality of the clothes at Victoria's Secret or American Eagle. And that is no exaggeration. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying all clothes from Target fit well. Some do, some don't. You just have to know where to look. ;-)

Besides this, I've noticed a very odd phenomenon here at California. Whenever I'm driving somewhere, I always end up behind slow moving vehicles thinking that I'm stuck in traffic, that there is a whole line of cars in front of the car in front of me. But no, that's not the case. It turns out that there are NO cars in front of these cars. (I was able to see when the road curves.) So these cars are JUST MOVING AT A SLOW SPEED ON FREEWAYS FOR NO REASON. I know in Cali, people are very relaxed and laid back, but come on, just HOW relaxed can you get?! Jeez! These people always drive me crazy!!! And I of course, being the impatient person that I am, always tail them, and then speed past them if I can, cursing at them in the meantime. OK, I didn't curse at them....but you get the point.

The Moment

Every single time the MOMENT I decide to go into the bathroom to take a shower, someone ALWAYS beats me to it! I swear, it always happens! I'd sit around at my desk, waiting and waiting for people to use the bathroom before I decide to go. I'd be thinking: Ok, come on people, if you want to use it now, use it, because I'm not going to use it right now. And the bathroom would be empty this whole time of course....until THE MOMENT I decide that I've waited long enough and if there wasn't anyone in there for this long, there isn't going to be from the time I stand up til the time I get there. But NOPE, someone always manages to get in there THE MOMENT I stand up and start walking.

It's not location-specific either, it doesn't matter where I am or who I live with. THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS! It's as if people can sense it...it's like...people just know when I want to take a shower and be like "uh uh, ain't gonna let H take her shower"!!!

Grrrrrr!!! This is like...the 4th place it's happened to me at (and god knows how many times)!

Relaxing Silence

I just finished meeting (aka teleconferencing) with my project team. It started at 5am and ended at 6:30am. I would sleep in and go to work a bit later today, but I have another meeting to attend to at 8:00am.

So in the meeting that just ended, we talked about getting down the requirements and scope of the project. I never realized just how "global" my company is until everyone said where they're calling in from. There's one person from Spain, one from Singapore, three from the US (Delaware, Colorado, and California), and two from the UK. No wonder I had to get up at 5...with so many different time zones, someone is bound to end up with a not-so-ideal-time.

And strangely enough, I don't feel that tired. Though, I have a feeling that I probably will need a lot of coffee today. EDIT (at 10:21am): Speaking of which, I've pretty much become a slave to coffee, not by choice. It's just that, getting up at 7:30am almost everyday and not getting home until 5pm or later can be quite tiring (especially right after lunch..I always have to try so hard to prevent myself from sleeping away). So, I have no choice but to drink the oh-so-very-unpleasant energy elixir which makes me jittery as hell afterwards. I just downed a mug of coffee about 30 minutes ago. And now my heart's pounding, I feel anxious, I don't know what to do with myself. It's like I'm tired, but some force is making me stay awake...Like, you want to fall asleep, but someone's pulled your eyes open, permanently--very unpleasant. In short, I HATE THIS FEELING!!! But without it, I'd probably be too tired to pay much attention during meetings. *sigh* such is the sad world of the corporate work place...

Ok a thought just popped into my head. And now I'm wondering why we don't make any sounds when we yawn. I mean, when we sneeze, there's a sound, so how come when we yawn, there isn't any? This silence is quite interesting... I think it's kind of nice. Yea...it'd definitely be very annoying if every time someone yawned, there's a sound. I think we all yawn more than we sneeze everyday. Furthermore, if yawns were to have a sound, what would they sound like? They wouldn't be crisp, short sounding, like a sneeze because they're long and drawn out and make you feel relaxed afterwards. So what's a sound that describes that?

Any ideas?

Luring Fascination

In the spirit of talking about animals that live in the sea, I'm going to talk about the angler fish, a fish that I've always been fascinated by.

What amazes me the most is its lure--the "light" above its head which allows it to attract prey. Just think, a fish with a light on its head. That's pretty cool. Imagine if all humans had some sort of light on their heads that would light up whenever we want it to. Ok it doesn't sound as cool because we're not used to the concept. But if everyone were born with it, I'm sure it'd be a useful tool. :)

Anyway, I can just picture a bottom-dwelling fish, who's lived in darkness all its life suddenly see a glimmer in the distance. This, I can only assume, will mesmerize it so much that it feels compelled to swim towards it. And that, my friends, would be the end of the existence of this fish...

Furthermore, I just found out recently, that the males exist SOLELY for reproductive reasons. Now that's just sad. Here's what happens: The males are basically parasites, much smaller than the female and once they sense that there's a female near, they'll attach themselves to them (if they don't find a female within a certain time after they're born, then they die since they don't have a digestive system). Then they'll atrophy into a pair of gonads, and the gonads will release the sperm once they sense that the female is about to release her eggs. Talk about having a life!

Now just imagine the human analogy: Girls are much bigger/taller than boys. When boys are born, they bite the flesh on girls and attach themselves there so they can survive. Then, slowly, they'll shrink into nothing but a pair of testicles. And when girls are all grown up and are ready to have a baby, she'll automatically be pregnant (since the testicles can sense when she wants to get pregnant). That would just be a sad sad world...not to mention a bit messed up...